I just got news that my mother's mom does not have much longer to live. While this is not news nor painful to me it does make me reflect on death and the mourning my family will go through.

My grandma has been a person in my life since as far back as I can remember. Yet it is troubling me to think I never really knew her as a person. We were a bit closer when I was younger I suppose. She used to babysit my brother and I. She spent most of her time knitting. She would give me money, usually a $20, every time she'd visit and leave us with a kiss. This was her way to say 'I love you'.

In more recent years, as I became an adult, she regressed due to dementia. She became childish, grumpy and hard of hearing. She would wake up at night, confused as to where she was. More recently, she was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lymphoma and now finds herself in the hospital surrounded by family. So we were never "grown-ups" at the same time for very long.

I'm comforted by the thought my grandma won't suffer much longer. I'm comforted by the idea death is not a problem to avoid but the very thing that defines and gives value to life.

I like to think that life is like music. Life doesn't need to serve some grand journey or destination, the way music doesn't need to have a destination: its sole inherent value comes from being played. They both have highs and lows. Some are short and some are long. If I can imagine that life is more like music then I am glad that for a brief moment my song and hers played aloud together.

I love you Abuelita Mela.

If anyone is going through any kind of loss I'm here to talk to you in private or please feel free to share.