Savirino98 says

what's that gonna do? i already don't get on as it is

it’ll make sure u can never call me a nerd ever again

cute says

Savirino98 says

lol nerd!

i'm reporting u

what's that gonna do? i already don't get on as it is

Savirino98 says

lol nerd!

i'm reporting u

lol nerd!

it’s ok to be exhausted some nights, I myself feel really burnt out tonight and am about to type my way to sleep on my dead thread

thanks basil, u always know what to say. i just feel really exhausted over the whole ordeal and i'm so tired. i'm also upset over the fact that my parents let me down yet again. they always promise me sht and they either don't deliver or deliver so late that i'm like ok lol. they've truly ingrained some pretty bad trust issues into me and idk i'm just. exhausted

Ugh that sounds awful nikki. It’s honestly exhausting to see greed being manifested in something so manipulatively fun

i dont play the game, nor do i gamble in general, but i can definitely empathize on the addiction level as i think a lot of people can. being addicted to anything is the literal worst because you KNOW and can tangibly recognize that X is clearly bad for you, yet your compulsion takes you over when you’re most vulnerable. it’s just so hard to build this constantly ever-present self awareness that gets rid of compulsory behavior and it’s really damn exhausting.

it’s like, you try and try yet something always seems to beat you. do you quit cold turkey one day? do you try gradually? how do you beat something you can’t fathomably see a weakness to?

it’s just a real struggle, but the worst part about it is when you start self-deprecating over your struggle. being mad at yourself for being upset about it will never do anything but drag you down. even if it’s just a “game”, whatever it is in life that brings you such emotional turmoil shouldn’t be simplified in such pseudo-objective terms because it really doesn’t help anyone. so cheer up nikki, at least you got the guts to come to terms with yourself over this instead of taking the easy route and being stubbornly sucked in

idk why my links aren't working cuz i executed the markdown script for them flawlessly but ok lucid i c u lol

edit: nvm i realized lucid's dumb*ss uses a diff script for profile links and forum links

Voice says

bih u gotta delete the app and smash your phone on the ground immediately

lmao yeah i just deleted the app bc i'm tired & broke and i don't want to do this to myself anymore but ik i'll just end up going back to it anyway

wtf i f*cked up

anyway: today is saturday and i'm not getting the gift card. my dad straight up told me he thought i knew i was getting it at the end of january which is... ok, lol. that's definitely not what you said.

to make matters worse, i'm genuinely upset about this. i'm sad. i cried. and all for what? a game.

for those of you interested in just how sh*tty gacha games are, you should read this reddit post which i believe most accurately details just how f*cking awful gacha games are.

[4/4]

bih u gotta delete the app and smash your phone on the ground immediately

there's no way out and i feel trapped, but... this game is my happiness. i derive so much joy from it. i look at the cards i've acquired over the time i've been playing and i am genuinely happy. i am proud, even.

and that leads me to today. i'll cut to the chase: my family has no money for the holidays. i mean, who does? but this year was particularly bad. no one in my family got christmas gifts, only promises of things they'll get later. IOUs. that was fine by me, i was finally feeling less and less excited about love live. maybe i could quit!

or, i was feeling less excited until they released a teaser for the new cards that were coming out. you see, love live periodically releases URs for the different girls each month, and we like to play guessing games and guess who next months URs will be. january just happens to be the month in which one of my absolute favorite girls, chika, was getting a new UR. was i excited before? sure, but love live was slowly losing it's hold on me. i was beginning to feel like myself again. but when i saw that teaser, it was game over. the new chika just looked soooooooo cute. like honestly, it was f*cking adorable. she had a little heart drawn on her cheek and she was wearing traditional japanese new years clothes and playing badminton. i was ecstatic. it was the best card she had yet, and i wanted it so badly. so of course, i tell my dad that i wanted an itunes gift card for my late christmas gift. no problem, he tells me, i'll give you money and we'll go shopping this weekend.

[3/4]

as you can see, i am performing pulls/draws/whatever you want to call them (i will refer to them as scouts as that is what the love live community refers to them as). each scout consists of 10+1 individual draws, with each draw having an individual chance of generating either a R, a SR, a SSR, or an UR. in the video, you must have noticed the several different types of envelopes that were coming out of the box. the enveloped denote different kinds of rarities, with stronger cards being more rare than weaker cards. below is a diagram of the rates for each rarity that i made to show you just how sh*tty they are.



in terms of gacha games, these rates are extremely unforgiving. the rate for a UR (the flashy, red envelope) is one of, if not, the lowest among all japanese idol games. so why do i keep playing?

well, i'm addicted.

and it sucks, it really f*ckin sucks. i've spent thousands of dollars for what? sh*tty low-res jpegs of cute anime girls? my god, i could acquire those through an easy google search. and yet, despite this, i keep playing. i keep paying. and i can't stop. i'm stuck in an endless cycle of self-hatred and self-loathing. i scout the cards i want and suddenly i'm on top the world. sometimes i'm lucky. sometimes it takes me $0 to get the card of my dreams. other times it takes me hundreds, and even then i might not even get what i'm scouting for. i ask myself why i do this. i ask myself why can't i spend my money on more useful things...

what makes it worse is no one understands. they don't understand how what love live truly is is gambling, and the worst form of it to exist. i pour money in and never ever will i get money back out. sure, there's a community dedicated to selling and trading love live accounts, but do you want to know what i can sell my account for? $500 AT BEST. i've spent triple, quadruple that amount on it.

[2/?]

anyway i'm feeling really pathetic and disappointed right now so i'm going to rant about a lot of things! btw i'm crying right now so if anything is illegible or doens't make sense just remind urself that a very distressed mentally ill girl is writing this so yeah ! this will make me seem really pathetic but i don't really care anymore

so emile made a couple posts about gambling today that really resonated with me for numerous reasons. for those of you who don't know, i play this game that i cherish very much called love live! school idol festival.

the game goes a little like this:




as you can see, it's a rhythm game. nothing wrong with that, right? rhythm games are fun and they're challenging and it's so much fun to do well on them. getting full combos and mastering really tricky slide notes is heaps of fun and i thoroughly enjoy that. tragically, that is not the only element to this game.

love live! school idol festival is a gacha game. and for those of you who don't know what that is, gacha games are "free-to-play MMOs and mobile games [that] have mechanics inspired by gashapons, with randomly generated items of varying market values being acquired via microtransactions" (taken from wikipedia). essentially, it's the worst form of gambling you can commit. why? because there's absolutely zero reward.

for an example of how the gacha system in love live works, watch the below video




[1/?]

tfw i said MEET and not meat i'm a failure

HighSpace says

Going from being picky to not eating meat, that's quite impressive

thank you!! i'm still awfully picky but i'm trying my best to eat more foods and like more things

MonteCarrlo says

Dinosaurs ate meat and we're win

i'm not a dinosaur + there were herbivore dinosaurs too

Dinosaurs ate meat and we're win

Going from being picky to not eating meat, that's quite impressive

MY SISTER JUST TEXTED ME SAYING SHE WAS GONNA GIVE UP MEET TOO STARTING MONDAY I'M IN LUVVVV ❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎

R0ronoaZoro says

Good to hear you're enjoying the change in diet and that it's working out for you!

I could never do that myself so it's interesting to hear about the motivations and experiences of people who do.

i actually used 2 love meat and i would eat it like everyday which is super bad for u LOL so i thought it would be impossible for me but here i am now... a queen among men

Good to hear you're enjoying the change in diet and that it's working out for you!

I could never do that myself so it's interesting to hear about the motivations and experiences of people who do.

XFire1994 says

You type their full names and keep adding the people at the top of search result until they show up

thank u

You type their full names and keep adding the people at the top of search result until they show up

same with ari how tf do i add her

also how do i add jack to the side i tried many times but he doesn't show up

thanksgiving was pretty depressing. i was only 1.75 months in at that point and ofc my entire family eats meat so it was kinda like what do i doooooooo. i spent most of the time that my family spent eating making my own meal which is sad lol. idk i wasn't really feeling the love that day and i was disheartened but oh well !

christmas eve dinner was thankfully better. my mom made sushi and tempure along w/ meat soup so they could have something to eat while i could still eat within my diet ! and now that i'm back home, i've been telling my mom the kind of things i can eat. before i came home she bought sushi just for me which was rly cute, and on christmas eve while she was trying to feed me the soup i was like mom lol i can't eat it bc it's made from turkey broth. and she actually listened to what i said and went shopping another day since our fridge was pretty barren and now i see a lot of fun stuff for me like mushrooms, meatless pasta sauces, vegetable broth, etc. and idk it just makes me happy that my family is actually supporting me bc when i first told my parents they kinda laughed and didn't think i could do it.

but YEAH ! if anyone ever considers changing their diet i highly recommend it... i've lost weight but honestly that wasn't my goal LOL i just wanted to be healthier in general but yeah ;))) if u wanna lose weight y'know what to do