omg .. regardless if u're chinese or not u should definitely check out this movie!! top 10 romance movies of ALL time q.q its soo asdfjoqwefjewq. it's called 【那些年，我们一起追的女孩】, or "The Apple of my Eye" (idk how THAT translates to the apple of my eye but ok).
However, as months go by my feelings for him .. slowly plummeted. I was the fastest one out of the boys to mature, and I was undoubtedly the smartest one among them too. I guess at that point, I realized developing feelings for a straight guy would be pointless as no way would my love turn requited. It's kinda sad how this story turned out =(, but I'm still happy that we do still have some occasional talks whenever I see him, and our conversations would include a little teasing and flirting at some times like we always do in the past, but based on how our conversations felt, I knew that times have changed, and we could no longer go back to how close we were. We don't really talk that often anymore, maybe like once every two months? But I think he still regards me as a friend, since he gave me access to his debit card account(no kidding) at one point and smiles at me whenever we walk by each other.
Q: Do I miss him? A: Heck yeah I do, those times were amazing. But I'm a mature teenager now =) and I wish him happiness in whatever that lies ahead of his him.
Q: Did he have feelings for you back then? A: I don't know, probably not. I knew he was pretty straight, but maybe I was an exception? =D
Q: Would you still consider dating him now? A: Err, not anymore. To be frank, you wouldn't expect me to be a platonic-type of person, would you? I really treasured our friendship back then, and I wouldn't dare to ruin it through a break-up or a relationship (like my other ones .. BRR).
Okay, I hope you enjoyed the the story, and kudos to you for reading it!! Thanks =D
Surprisingly, he rejected my female friend who confessed to him five days later. He claimed that she was "too ugly" and wanted to date someone prettier, which kinda relieved me because I sure was one jealous hoe. :>) (oh, by the way that female friend of mine came to me all depressed about being rejected, so UHH. keep in mind we were all like 13 then).
We did a lot of things together. Fooled in class, created disturbance, and even formed a bro-clique in our class! I loved those times because, we would just do anything that appealed to us - sports, movies, slacking, we did anything a young-teenage guys clique would. I loved talking to him, because the conversations were genuinely funny and I would never get bored talking to him, ever. Man, I remember I used to pick on this little kid in our class and bully him because I desperately wanted to look cool in front of him =P. Still, the feelings I had for him were still present in my heart, ever-developing.
What was the breakthrough point into my gay sexuality was a childishly "innocent" prank. We liked to disturb teachers a lot, so there was a time where he used my phone (he had access to my password teehee), and went on various p o r n websites (gay p o r n specifically) and raised my phone up in class shouting "HAA!! YUU WATCHES GAY !! HAHAHA! LOOK AT HIS WEB-PAGES!!". We got punished later for the stupid prank, but nonetheless it was still funny. So how did that enfold my sexuality? Well, I didn't delete those web-pages, and looked them up later at night, and you know what's next =)
Alright, I'll share how I met my first boy-crush!!
During the year 2014, I enrolled into my secondary school and was steadily prepared to embark into a new journey. What I did not expect, was to possess an infatuation with another boy.
On our first lesson, he stood out among the rest of the students, mainly he had a vibe which shrouded with enigma and mystery. A long fringe covered his eyebrows, which his pale skin was the lightest among the others. I was very taken away by his appearances, he looked as if he were the main protagonist of a shounen-anime series. Of course, at that time the feeling of love was rather unorthodox to me, I've never fully accepted that I was 'in love' with him, just rather interested.
Through orientation camps and further class activities, I've managed to know him better - of course, he still remained as an enigma. This wasn't his first year in this school though, as he detained from promoting due to his lack-luster results. Through the class group that I formed, we managed to communicate a lot on WhatsApp. I recall that the movie "Sucker Punch" was airing on television during that drizzling night, and we decided to watch it together (of course, with my other classmates included) while skyping each other. I remember that night because, I was kinda thrown-off by how open he was with complimenting how pretty the girls on sucker-punch were, and how he wants a girlfriend like that which kinda made me jealous. Consequently, one of my closest female friends that was watching the movie with us told me about the feelings she held for my crush .. and I remember how confused and puzzled I felt on that night. I knew I stood no chance, knowing how desperate he was for a girls.
this is my fav song of his on the album (even though the vocals r REALLY shaky if you listen to it carefully).
STORY TIME:
this song kinda describes how i feel rn =( i talked to an old lover of mine today, and our conversations are different .. we just couldn't connect to each other anymore, everything feels awkward and fake, and i FCKING hate it. i hate myself for fcking it up, i hate myself for being such a spiteful bij, and i hate myself for being such a terrible person =( . sighh it really is a terrible night i miss those times ahhh
Okay, I'll write a rather long one for you then loser.
Matthew-Kun!!! :( you're definitely a top-tier friend of mine!! i like your openness and how i can confide everything i face in my life to you!! (even though you're ever so slightly free ..). you're definitely a real one!!
you're so kind o3o and a fun one to talk to!! you're fun to tease and bully :fufu:, all jokes aside i'm really glad i met a person like you who could appreciate my rather mean and blunt personality when it comes to things!! you're mature as heck and awesome in everything you do!! those gold trophies sure are not to be scoffed at ..
honestly though, i do wish things do get better for you, (Since this is a tbh), i don't think i could ever stand a life of mediocrity and repetitiveness i know you're a swell and smart guy and i really wish you could be super successful in life because you deserve it so you better work you off matttie!!
ahhh it sure brings back memories to embb2, where we first met. honestly meeting you was definitely one of the greatest experiences on this website, you're like a big brother to me =) I love yoU MATTHEW-KUN!!
(even though you're a smelly disgusting weeb snot)
i don't think i have anything negative to say about you sadjfioqwe your presence is so warm and nice and comforting ahh. you're such a nice person q.q bless god for your existence.
honestly i don't wanna compliment you too much bc that's gonna make me look like i'm a fake bish, but i'll just name our fondest memory together okay? my fondest memory of us would be that super long skype call that we did, it was so fun talking to you in person and omg .. we made fun so many people xD. i really appreciated the talk that we had, because like i was going through an intensive study period and having someone like you to make me laugh was great xP love you!
During the times of our very first encounters, you were incredibly warm and embracing with your kind greetings which really made me feel appreciated. However, besides short occasional talks, I couldn't really talk to you on a personal level. I don't know, but I feel like there's a constant barrier between us that prevents us from establishing a tight bond, and I think that's because of my perception. I've always perceived you as .. somewhat iffy? In the sense that, I could never tell if your conversations were really genuine or were they just a meaningless figure of speech. Yeah, I don't ever think we could ever develop a bond on a super deep lever, but that doesn't mean I dislike you! Your constant effort of making others feel welcomed is obviously appreciated, and I thank you for that. =) Have a great life ahead while you're still young!!
To be honest, there's not a whole lot to say about you. We used to be close? And I used to hit on you ;). Your personality and mine's don't really click, I'll be front about that like, since there's not really much for us to talk about. I think the primary reason why that's so is because I have this perception that you're really fake trying to be nice to people just because they're nice to you, which is something I get irked by. I do however, enjoy the comedy skits that we always carry out with our exchange of occasional insults which I find rather humorous xP. Ultimately, you were someone whom bought me pleasure and joy during the time that we were very close, and I'd thank you for that. =3
I really do love instrumental tracks, and this has to be one of my favorites. This brings back so many memories, because this was my go-to song for studying :3 oh well.
