But seriously, Is there a harder pain than falling in love with an idol? An idol you can never touch. Never talk to. Never hear her laugh at my jokes. I would sometimes watch fancams of Gummi and see her smile and tilt her head nonchalantly, and every time it never ceases to amaze me how little an action could set my heart aflame as my burning passion for her grew every night and every day.

This honestly depresses me and I'm sure it's unhealthy psychologically to be so invested emotionally in a girl I have never met and will never truly know. And I would hope for these feelings to pass, but they make me feel so good at the same time. I am so happy to be in love with her, and that makes me sad.

Aw man. Sometimes I see people hold her hand at fansigns. That would make my entire world. But it crushes me to know that it wouldn't make hers. I'm just a random fan in a sea of millions. She would forget about me almost instantaneously. I love her, in all honesty. It's not healthy, but I love her. But how am I different? I am exactly the same as every single other fucking fan. I'll never be special in her eyes.

And how do you think she copes? Surely she would realise this. That with every day she is crushing the dreams of thousands of forlorn young men and women. It's not fair on her, having to live with that knowledge, that guilt.

I know it's sad, and I hope this obsession is just the rough end of the hormones....but honestly.