Have you ever stopped reading half way down a page and looked away for a while - out a car window or something to enjoy the scenery - lost to your thoughts, gone from the book into the outside, only to come back to realise you've been thinking parallel to what's on the rest of the page, to what you didn't read? Or am I just really fucking smart? It's a sort of semi-conscious processing, I think, and it can be an absolute bastard.

I try to explain stuff like this to people a lot and they never get it - I get looks, of course. It's painful. How do you turn it off, though? With everything that I do, any TV show I watch, any book I read, anything, there's a sort of prescience to it . . . in some sense, I'm 5 steps ahead and playing games with myself. It's like being just short of omniscience, it's what solipsism is made of . . . or it's very fucking conducive to solipsistic thought, at least. And then everyone else seems to be playing the same fucking games, only oblivious to the fact that they are, it's incredible. Like, Orwell captures it with Winston's neighbour in 1984, for example. When Tom Parsons talks in his sleep of what Winston's written in his journal: "DOWN WITH BIG BROTHER." And it comes in his sleep, of course, to illustrate that it's deeply unconscious for most people. Why do I have to deal with this shit? But it's not so bad.

Nabokov writes excellently of it, too, with his Lolita. Humbert Humbert is chased round and round by demons. He wonders if it wasn't some intuitive genius of his that murdered Charlotte Haze. His first thoughts to murder Charlotte Haze come garnished with that neighbour having been watching, that she'd seen them, then recollecting for them that she'd seen two kids having sex where they were on another occasion, a recollection to so eerily suit the mood . . . it's all madness, Nabokov writes; there is no hope for humanity. I don't particularly like Nabokov, but I appreciate that the world weighed down on him as it does me.

Why am I writing this, then? To boast? Maybe. But then it just might leave the world a better place either way. Realise this: This game is bad. You play it because it takes the edge off real life, the cutthroat reality that is capitalism, individualism, all that bullshit. You ever hear tell that football came about as a result of war, the victors knocking about the decapitated heads of the defeated? Well, it's the same damn thing. That's the appeal that this game has. It's a bad fucking game. In fact, they all are, when so coloured. Why do you think you're obsessed with FPS's, Vampires or Zombies? Pokemon is the most laughable obsession of all, a heinous manipulation of little children fearing loneliness, learning skills dressed up as gaining friends for this cutthroat existence. Not a bit of it is random, all of it is relevant and oh-so retarded. Is this seriously what existence should be? Never anything but taking the edge off? Nabokov thought so. Irreparable madness, he thought. Derren Brown has deformed taxidermy around his house. Love the beast, he thinks; there's sanity. Holy shit, they're a pair of cunts, though. Enjoying life, it seems, must be predicated upon being miserable. Wrong. You're just retarded. Think about it. Why not just accept the survivalist's life for what it is, at the least, and enjoy doing good with the rest of it? Grow up. You're still playing peek-a-boo with big scary daddy. God isn't fucking real.

/rant Holy fuck though. Broda, I definitely gamethrew-hammered you. Sorry man. Anyway, I'm smarter than all of you. I'm gonna go write really antagonising literature because everyone else was always too obscure about it. First book: "An Heroes: Eh kills pokemons, Eh's a good guy." Hey, maybe teh humour to that is that we're all rly sad inside because we're too retard 2 preperly communicate or woes. I duno. What's the humour to misspellings? I use them in mafia games to make people hammer my CC - "I would do that as mafia" instead of "I wouldn't do that as mafia", which brings the dude with the hammer to fill in what you intended and get stuck on that, it sticks in their mind, that's the control they've exerted over you, the control that they know, that you WOULDN'T do that as mafia. Protip! Seriously though. Joffrey is kill. I don't get it. "Hurr eh's dumb. HE. HE's dumb". Yeah, it's more retard control, but everyone is really dumb. I'm gonna go with everyone who laughs at dumb things actually being really sad, though, and I bet they masturbate to transexuals with a deep inner desire for oneness with the rest of humanity. We should all become transexuals. Damn, I'm fucking smart.

Edit: I don't think anyone has ever written anything so profound ever. I'm good guy nihilist determinist, I forgive u bad people but you all masturbate to transexuals because you're really sad. (I swear I don't masturbate to transexuals and amn't just projecting . . . or at least I'm not just projecting.)

Edit number 2: In the words of Crazy Larry: "Fucking females is for poofs".