Epicmafia

Vatican Vacation

over 9 years

This is a choose your own adventure game. I will allow 4-5 people to participate at any given time until I run out of ideas for this specific topic.

Several months ago, you journeyed to Europe in search of adventure. The plan was to backpack across the continent, drinking your way through country to country with no agenda but to live life to its fullest, Carpe Diem so they say..

Disappointingly, you've hardly done anything you planned to do, including eating, sleeping, and breathing all of the different amazing cultures.

The only thing you HAVE done is visit a bunch of old crumbled buildings, usually among other tourists. And today—the last day of your trip—is no different.

You’re at the Vatican, looking at the architecture with a tour group.

Your grand European adventure is on the verge of ending, and if you don’t do something soon, your trip will have been for naught.

A) Stray from the tour group and explore by yourself

B) Do calisthenics

C) Do groin stretches

D) Use the Vatican's toilet

Satan

over 9 years

jack says

i'm laughing too hard gdi. A

“I made this soccer field from one of my rib bones."

"I did it so that patricia could have a safe place to build his skills in the game of soccer."

"My secret wish is that he would one day be skilled enough to play in the Olympics. This would please me greatly.”

A) One heckuva kid you got there, God.

B) *impressed whistling noise*

C) Where the f*ck is pope

jack

over 9 years

Satan says

"Behold, my son Patricia. He is very skilled at soccer, and I sometimes let him use me as a soccer ball because we are similar weights me and a soccer ball my size (even though i am a cantaloupe) so he will kick me sometimes and this is how we bond."

A) Wow, patricia is really skilled

B) Um I get it he's good at soccer, can we find the Pope now?

i'm laughing too hard gdi. A

Satan

over 9 years

rutab says

A, follow him.

You chase the Pope down to the banks of a river, but just as you’re about to catch him he hops into an idling speedboat and speeds off into the sunset, perhaps never to be seen again.

“I am the fast Pope!” you hear him shout from far off in the distance. “You are the slow Pope!”

A) Take a long walk to clear your mind

B) Hang yourself out of frustration

Satan

over 9 years

jack says

let's fly, let's fly away (A)

"Behold, my son Patricia. He is very skilled at soccer, and I sometimes let him use me as a soccer ball because we are similar weights me and a soccer ball my size (even though i am a cantaloupe) so he will kick me sometimes and this is how we bond."

A) Wow, patricia is really skilled

B) Um I get it he's good at soccer, can we find the Pope now?

deletedover 9 years

Satan says

rutab says

A

I am going to kiss the librarian

"That's a spicy meatball!"

You go look where she said the Pope would be and sure enough there he is.

He spots you though and throws a chair through the window, and jumping out.

What now?

A) Follow him

B) Say screw it and do something else

A, follow him.

jack

over 9 years

Satan says

jack says

Well everyone knows its 42, so A

"Certainly, but first I would like you to come watch my son play soccer."

You respond: Uhhh okay...

“I am very proud of my son, whose name is Patricia. He is skilled at the game of soccer.

Come, fly with me, and we will watch him.”

A) Fly with him

B) Refuse God

let's fly, let's fly away (A)

Satan

over 9 years

rutab says

A

I am going to kiss the librarian

"That's a spicy meatball!"

You go look where she said the Pope would be and sure enough there he is.

He spots you though and throws a chair through the window, and jumping out.

What now?

A) Follow him

B) Say screw it and do something else

Satan

over 9 years

jack says

Well everyone knows its 42, so A

"Certainly, but first I would like you to come watch my son play soccer."

You respond: Uhhh okay...

“I am very proud of my son, whose name is Patricia. He is skilled at the game of soccer.

Come, fly with me, and we will watch him.”

A) Fly with him

B) Refuse God

deletedover 9 years

Satan says

rutab says

I think the Pope is alive, so A.

You chose to go to a place with many bibles.

The LIBRARY !

You enter the library and head straight for the librarian’s desk.

“Hello, where can I find the Pope?” you ask her, mimicking the loud, vulgar inflection prevalent among the Italians.

“Silenzio!” she replies in the loud, vulgar inflection prevalent among the Italians.

You don’t know any italian, but you have a good feeling that it meant, “He is over there, to the left.”

A) Kiss her on the lips, as the europeans do to say thank you.

B) Tuck some curds into her blouse, as the americans do to say thank you.

A

I am going to kiss the librarian

jack

over 9 years

Satan says

“I have heard you are here to ask me a question,” God says. “Thank you for coming to ask a question.”

He pauses and says nothing for over 45 minutes.

“What is the question you would like to ask me? I am God.”

A) Can you tell me where the Pope is hiding? I need to bring him back to Earth

B) What's the meaning of life

Well everyone knows its 42, so A

Satan

over 9 years

rutab says

I think the Pope is alive, so A.

You chose to go to a place with many bibles.

The LIBRARY !

You enter the library and head straight for the librarian’s desk.

“Hello, where can I find the Pope?” you ask her, mimicking the loud, vulgar inflection prevalent among the Italians.

“Silenzio!” she replies in the loud, vulgar inflection prevalent among the Italians.

You don’t know any italian, but you have a good feeling that it meant, “He is over there, to the left.”

A) Kiss her on the lips, as the europeans do to say thank you.

B) Tuck some curds into her blouse, as the americans do to say thank you.

deletedover 9 years

I think the Pope is alive, so A.

Satan

over 9 years

rutab says

I am going to take action and run outside and look for the Pope

ok so (A).

Cool.

You run out into St. Peter's square (or w/e the hell its called) and can't see anything its so crowded.

You check for fresh scat or tracks but none can be seen.

To find the pope you have to think like the pope.

A) Go to place with lots of bibles

B) Go to Heaven

deletedover 9 years

I am going to take action and run outside and look for the Pope

Satan

over 9 years

rutab says

A. I don't want to scare the Pope just in case he is having bowel troubles.

You walk in the bathroom and find that he isn't there, and the window is open.

Crap!

A) Run outside and look for the Pope

B) Mull over your options

deletedover 9 years

Satan says

rutab says

Satan says

rutab says

A

You chose to go check on the pope.

You listen to the bathroom and realize there are no toilet noises coming from it.

A) Shout loudly "Pope are you having trouble with your "

B) Scream loudly "Pope is everything okay?"

B

He doesn't answer, but many people are wondering why you are screaming such a thing.

you:

A) Open up the door the normal way

B) Burst in the door after kicking it down

A. I don't want to scare the Pope just in case he is having bowel troubles.

Satan

over 9 years

rutab says

Satan says

rutab says

A

You chose to go check on the pope.

You listen to the bathroom and realize there are no toilet noises coming from it.

A) Shout loudly "Pope are you having trouble with your "

B) Scream loudly "Pope is everything okay?"

B

He doesn't answer, but many people are wondering why you are screaming such a thing.

you:

A) Open up the door the normal way

B) Burst in the door after kicking it down

Satan

over 9 years

jack says

A, i do enjoy cantaloupe

“I have heard you are here to ask me a question,” God says. “Thank you for coming to ask a question.”

He pauses and says nothing for over 45 minutes.

“What is the question you would like to ask me? I am God.”

A) Can you tell me where the Pope is hiding? I need to bring him back to Earth

B) What's the meaning of life

deletedover 9 years

Satan says

rutab says

A

You chose to go check on the pope.

You listen to the bathroom and realize there are no toilet noises coming from it.

A) Shout loudly "Pope are you having trouble with your "

B) Scream loudly "Pope is everything okay?"

Satan

over 9 years

rutab says

A

You chose to go check on the pope.

You listen to the bathroom and realize there are no toilet noises coming from it.

A) Shout loudly "Pope are you having trouble with your "

B) Scream loudly "Pope is everything okay?"

deletedover 9 years

Satan says

rutab says

I choose B

You chose to let the Pope use the bathroom.

While the Pope is using the little pope's room, you look around the pope's chambers. Everything looks very nice and pristine, but also weirdly terrible.

Most of the furniture is the kind of furniture that old, rich people buy, you know, the kind that you can tell costs so much money but is never sat on or used because it is always uncomfortable

like....why’s there so much brass and wood in places that are supposed to be soft? No one wants to sit on that.

Hmm. The Pope’s been gone for a while now. Going to the bathroom shouldn’t take this long.

A) Go check on the Pope

B) Keep looking at the terrible furniture

Satan

over 9 years

rutab says

I choose B

You chose to let the Pope use the bathroom.

While the Pope is using the little pope's room, you look around the pope's chambers. Everything looks very nice and pristine, but also weirdly terrible.

Most of the furniture is the kind of furniture that old, rich people buy, you know, the kind that you can tell costs so much money but is never sat on or used because it is always uncomfortable

like....why’s there so much brass and wood in places that are supposed to be soft? No one wants to sit on that.

Hmm. The Pope’s been gone for a while now. Going to the bathroom shouldn’t take this long.

A) Go check on the Pope

B) Keep looking at the terrible furniture

deletedover 9 years

Satan says

rutab says

Satan says

You lick your chapped lips nervously.

The Pope raises his hand.

A) Yes Pope, go ahead.

B) Um you don't need to raise your hand, you are literally the spokesperson for God

I choose A

"I need to make toilet," said the pope with a strained face.

A) Sorry bub, you gotta stay put.

B) Well, uh...quickly now.

I choose B

Satan

over 9 years

rutab says

Satan says

You lick your chapped lips nervously.

The Pope raises his hand.

A) Yes Pope, go ahead.

B) Um you don't need to raise your hand, you are literally the spokesperson for God

I choose A

"I need to make toilet," said the pope with a strained face.

A) Sorry bub, you gotta stay put.

B) Well, uh...quickly now.

Satan

over 9 years

kiIIua says

A. sure ill do it but more importantly do i get infinite dollars for popesitting

no sorry u are doing it for the fun exciting european adventure experience. put it on ur resume

You choose to popesit.

"Alright then, looks like you’ve got a good grasp on things. I’ll be back in a bit, but seriously please don’t let the Pope leave this room.”

You nod reassuringly. The guard leaves, and suddenly it’s just you and His Holiness alone in the room.

Sitting across from you, the Pope stares silently. Looks like it’s up to you to start the conversation.

A) So, you're the Pope, huh?

B) You are....the Pope?

C) If I am understanding this situation correctly, you are the Pope, otherwise known as God's vice president?