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Vatican Vacation

Satan
over 9 years

This is a choose your own adventure game. I will allow 4-5 people to participate at any given time until I run out of ideas for this specific topic.

Several months ago, you journeyed to Europe in search of adventure. The plan was to backpack across the continent, drinking your way through country to country with no agenda but to live life to its fullest, Carpe Diem so they say..

Disappointingly, you've hardly done anything you planned to do, including eating, sleeping, and breathing all of the different amazing cultures.

The only thing you HAVE done is visit a bunch of old crumbled buildings, usually among other tourists. And today—the last day of your trip—is no different.

You’re at the Vatican, looking at the architecture with a tour group.

Your grand European adventure is on the verge of ending, and if you don’t do something soon, your trip will have been for naught.

A) Stray from the tour group and explore by yourself

B) Do calisthenics

C) Do groin stretches

D) Use the Vatican's toilet

justrec
over 9 years

Satan says


justrec says


Satan says


justrec says

b


You tiptoe to the entrance of the brightly lit doorway.

You are caught off-guard as you hear "Halt! Who goes there?"

What do you do?

A) Stammer nervously

B) Boldly state your name


b


"You introduced yourself like I'm supposed to care...well I don't."

"All I care about is whether you're a murder or not."

"Well are you?"

A) Insist furiously that you are not a murderer.

B) Stumbling on your words, you accidentally say "Well, uh, I, ok, yes, I am-" You get cut off at am, and the guard believes you are a murderer.

C) No, but I would really KILL to get my text-font colors back on Epicmafia.


C
Satan
over 9 years

jack says

B, i wonder if IKEA sells this stuff


You stay and look at the furniture for another minute before realizing that the guard will be back any second and the Pope isn't here.

Will you

A) Run to the bathroom

B) Stay and look at furniture some more, maybe call Caroline and ask if she would like any of these for your future home together.
Satan
over 9 years

justrec says


Satan says


justrec says

b


You tiptoe to the entrance of the brightly lit doorway.

You are caught off-guard as you hear "Halt! Who goes there?"

What do you do?

A) Stammer nervously

B) Boldly state your name


b


"You introduced yourself like I'm supposed to care...well I don't."

"All I care about is whether you're a murder or not."

"Well are you?"

A) Insist furiously that you are not a murderer.

B) Stumbling on your words, you accidentally say "Well, uh, I, ok, yes, I am-" You get cut off at am, and the guard believes you are a murderer.

C) No, but I would really KILL to get my text-font colors back on Epicmafia.
jack
over 9 years

Satan says


jack says

A poor guy can't control his bladder


You chose to let him go to the bathroom.

While the Pope is using the little pope's room, you look around the pope's chambers. Everything looks very nice and pristine, but also weirdly terrible.

Most of the furniture is the kind of furniture that old, rich people buy, you know, the kind that you can tell costs so much money but is never sat on or used because it is always uncomfortable

like....why’s there so much brass and wood in places that are supposed to be soft? No one wants to sit on that.

Hmm. The Pope’s been gone for a while now. Going to the bathroom shouldn’t take this long.

A) Go check on the Pope

B) Keep looking at the terrible furniture


B, i wonder if IKEA sells this stuff
Satan
over 9 years

jack says

A poor guy can't control his bladder


You chose to let him go to the bathroom.

While the Pope is using the little pope's room, you look around the pope's chambers. Everything looks very nice and pristine, but also weirdly terrible.

Most of the furniture is the kind of furniture that old, rich people buy, you know, the kind that you can tell costs so much money but is never sat on or used because it is always uncomfortable

like....why’s there so much brass and wood in places that are supposed to be soft? No one wants to sit on that.

Hmm. The Pope’s been gone for a while now. Going to the bathroom shouldn’t take this long.

A) Go check on the Pope

B) Keep looking at the terrible furniture
justrec
over 9 years

Satan says


justrec says

b


You tiptoe to the entrance of the brightly lit doorway.

You are caught off-guard as you hear "Halt! Who goes there?"

What do you do?

A) Stammer nervously

B) Boldly state your name


b
jack
over 9 years

Satan says


jack says

B


“I need to make toilet, please,” the Pope says.

Hmm. The Pope needs to go to the bathroom, but the guard said that he needed to stay put.

How do you deal with this conundrum?

A) Let the man go to the bathroom, I mean Jesus Christ, he's the freakin' Pope.

B) Sorry Pope, I'm not allowed to let you leave this room until the guard comes back.


A, poor guy can't control his bladder
Satan
over 9 years

jack says

B


“I need to make toilet, please,” the Pope says.

Hmm. The Pope needs to go to the bathroom, but the guard said that he needed to stay put.

How do you deal with this conundrum?

A) Let the man go to the bathroom, I mean Jesus Christ, he's the freakin' Pope.

B) Sorry Pope, I'm not allowed to let you leave this room until the guard comes back.
jack
over 9 years

Satan says


jack says

A


His Holiness raises his hand. Maybe he has a question.

How do you respond to such a thing?

A) Ahem, yes Pope, you have a question?

B) Wow, Pope, you don't have to raise your hand, you are basically the mouthpiece of Our Lord and Savior, please go ahead.


B
Satan
over 9 years

jack says

A


His Holiness raises his hand. Maybe he has a question.

How do you respond to such a thing?

A) Ahem, yes Pope, you have a question?

B) Wow, Pope, you don't have to raise your hand, you are basically the mouthpiece of Our Lord and Savior, please go ahead.
jack
over 9 years

Satan says


jack says

B


The pope remains silent.

A) Perspire

B) Clear your throat a few times


A
Satan
over 9 years

jack says

B


The pope remains silent.

A) Perspire

B) Clear your throat a few times
Satan
over 9 years

Arcbell says

A, i did nothing wrong!


You throw punches left and right, but you’re immediately taken down by the team of elite pope-guards who have been called into the room to subdue you.

The Pope continues staring at you silently, and just before you’re hauled out of the room, he gazes directly into your eyes and gives you a little wink.

That f****** rascal.
jack
over 9 years

Satan says


jack says


Satan says

The Pope says nothing

A) Pretty neat.

B) Wow Wow Wow wow wow wow wow holy crap wow


B


The Pope remains silent

A) I saw you on the news once

B) What's your favorite prayer? Mine is the Lord's prayer


B
Arcbell
over 9 years
A, i did nothing wrong!
Satan
over 9 years

Arcbell says

B


“Okay, but he’s not a freaking 5-year-old.

He’s the successor to Saint Peter, and you wouldn’t let him go to the bathroom?

Goddammit! Sorry, but I gotta send you to jail for this one.”

The guard charges toward you with a pair of handcuffs.

A) Resist arrest

B) Don't resist arrest
Arcbell
over 9 years
B
Satan
over 9 years

Arcbell says

A


“Oh, come on!” says the guard, returning to the room just as you’re frantically attending to the Pope’s urine-soaked robes.

“What the hell happened? I was gone for literally two minutes.”

A) The Pope said he needed to use the water closet but you said he couldn't leave the room so I made him stay put and he peed himself.

B) I didn't do anything wrong!
Arcbell
over 9 years

Satan says


Arcbell says

B.. lol "little twinkle in the pope's eye"


“I told you I had to make toilet, did I not?” says the Pope, smiling ever so slightly.

A) Take off your shirt and use it to dab up the liquid

B) Give the Pope a fern to place on the wet spot and hope you leave before the guard catches the smell of urine.


A
Satan
over 9 years

Arcbell says

B.. lol "little twinkle in the pope's eye"


“I told you I had to make toilet, did I not?” says the Pope, smiling ever so slightly.

A) Take off your shirt and use it to dab up the liquid

B) Give the Pope a fern to place on the wet spot and hope you leave before the guard catches the smell of urine.
Arcbell
over 9 years
B.. lol "little twinkle in the pope's eye"
Satan
over 9 years

Arcbell says

A.


"..."

You notice a little twinkle in the Pope’s eye. He grins ever so slightly. Then it hits you: the unmistakable aroma of urine. You look down and notice a sizable wet spot spreading across the front of the Pope’s vestments.

A) Oh CRAP

B) NO POPE NO
Arcbell
over 9 years
A.
Satan
over 9 years

Arcbell says

[SAVE]B


“Very well,” the Pope says.

A) Again I'm really, very sorry about that.

B) Once the guard comes back you are free to urinate...or defecate...whichever it is you desire, Your Holiness.
Arcbell
over 9 years
[SAVE]B