Final update: We talked on the phone for over an hour. We cried together. We laughed together. We remembered our best times together. We told each other we loved each other. We ended our relationship officially due to poor timing and a necessity for each of us to grow personally. We're both great people. We're both still our biggest fans and we're rooting for each other the whole way. We're going to try remaining friends before automatically cutting each other out of our lives.
I am greatly happy we had this conversation even if we aren't together. She's coming to my university next year, but now I want her to come and have a great experience.
We left off saying "It's never going to be never" because we both know very well we might end up dating again in the future, whether it be one or two months from now or a year. We aren't going to wait for each other, but we're always going to love each other.
I respect her so much. She's a heck of a girl.
deletedover 8 years
Though I will say. Due to relationships being inherently complicated, friends can actually provide an unbiased third party perspective that otherwise wouldn't be available to you.
Nothing's easy about the process of what you're goin' through, but at the end of the day and to stay true to Anna's point, you're really the only one who'll know what's actually best for you.
probably should not listen to advice from internet nerds who don't know all the intricacies of your relationship.
friends can help, but at the end of the day, you're the only one who can truly decide what is right or wrong for your relationship, and you shouldn't let anyone pressure you into doing anything, even if they have good intentions.
Listen to poser and arcbell. I've been in a similar situation a few months ago and I used to think he was the love of my life. Guess what? I've already moved on and I don't think about him anymore. Not even once in a while. You'll be like me later :) it's not worth having a hope for her to get back with you tbh. Sh*t like that will keep happening over and over. It's not worth it.
deletedover 8 years
that's not called being led on, that's called dating a coward.
Like I'm sorry for being blunt but imo she's just taking time to come to terms with the relationship ending so she doesn't need to feel the emotional impact all at once.
it's really normal to wonder if there's better out there. we do that in life, because we want the best for ourselves. mostly every normal person will indirectly or even directly wonder if they can do better in a relationship. someone who should leave because they're unhappy will say "you know what, this sucks and that sucks so im gonna move on" but someone who actually loves the person will think "haha thats crazy, how could i ever look elsewhere when im plenty happy like this"
if you're in the middle because you care and you've invested time (sounds kinda like ur gf imo) the end result is probably that she will still continue to wonder if the grass is greener elsewhere. there is no "work on myself" i say that excuse everytime i dont feel like saying the real reason. "oh im depressed, i just need to focus on me" its a lie dude. i cannot even tell you how many times i've said that i was the reason or my busy life, when realistically i was far too gentle and kind to tell teh person the actual reason.
If she needs to "figure things out" she should be figuring them out with you, not whilst shutting you out.
I guarantee you one thing that does not happen:
"Okay so I took some time to myself and all on my own I realized we actually don't have a problem at all and I was just feeling lightheaded for all those months I questioned us. No issue we have to work through anymore."
True, couples can overcome issues, but not in solitude unless they're fleeting issues, which she's already admitted this isn't.
this is not one issue until now tho. think of it like this, and yes this is going to sound horrible, but based off of what you say, half of the time you were dating she was unsure of what she wanted.
that means 50% of the dates, cuddling, whatever you people did, laughing and jokes and venting - she thought to herself "hey do i even really want this?" and how the hell is that ONE issue thats a million issues including her communication skills, ability to be honest with herself and you. that was a lie she carried each time she felt that way and denied you the truth, letting you think you'd be together forever happily wtihout a single doubt yet there she was doubting it. that's un freaking fair.
We haven't had one issue the entire relationship until now. It's new to us, and since it was one time, I'm willing to forgive and forget. I said some bad things to her that I now regret because I know she's not actually a bad person. Everyone IRL tells me I can text her if I want because they knew we were so good.
I asked "Is this it for good?" and she said "it's definitely not for good. I just need time to work on myself and what I need in my life for every aspect."
this girl didn't even tell you she had doubts about you for months, now that you don't want her anymore she's upset, well she didn't do you any favors by not entirely, absolutely wanting you for a few months and you were still there for her so imo don't give her anymore of your care
texted her back, for what though? to take her back? if its not completely over, is it back on? or is she just gonna string you along again because she either wants you or she doesn't and quite frankly i'm feeling upset that she's doing this to you and you allow it
